Episode Four
"A Filler Episode"
Gokou: Hi, this is Gokou! Welcome
to a filler episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite! This is one of those
episodes where nothing important happens to move along the plot, we just
waste up time with side adventures and zany character interaction!
Since Dragon Ball Z moves at such an excruciatingly slow pace, we have
very little of these, but we have to have one every once in a while, or
else only 0.8 things would happen per episode, and we must maintain the
1 event/episode pace we have now. Anyway, on with the show!
On the last episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite,
the series started to go downhill, with the jokes not being as funny as
the first two episodes. Will this one continue the downward spiral
into oblivion, eventually ending with episode 32 where all I do is make
clumsy references to Ricky Martin? Yes. Yes it will.
Two beings of incredible power are hurtling
through space at greater than light speed in two tiny spherical shaped
space pods.
Nappa: I... can't even move. I have
a really bad itch on my leg. Argh! These things are horrible!
Can it really cost that much more to make a decent sized space ship?
Vegeta: Stop your whining! I'm perfectly
comfortable!
Nappa: That's because you're like 5 feet
tall!
Vegeta: 5'2" you bitch.
Nappa: Seriously, I've gotta get out of
this and stretch. That... that itch isn't going away!
Vegeta: Fine, we'll crash into that planet
there and you can stretch. But we're destroying it afterwards.
Nappa: It would also be nice if these things
actually had a way to land instead of just crashing into a planet.
The two space ships fall from the sky, at incredible
speeds and crash down on the small world.
Nappa: (kicks the door open and scrambles
out) Phew. I can BREATHE!
Vegeta: (calmly steps out of his ship)
Just then, two bug things walk into view.
Like all other beings in the universe, they speak English (Japanese?)
Bug Thing 1: Stop right there! In
the name of the Evil Empire of Bug Things, you two are under arrest for
the crime of being aliens! Now come to the Emperor Bug Thing's palace
and get involved in our little political struggles!
Vegeta: Okay. (holds out his hands
and allows himself to be taken)
At the arena of Bug Thing Palace
Emperor Bug Thing: I'm taking my wife for
a lovely evening of watching people slaughter each other. Look honey,
see how that guy caved that other guy's head in?
Girl Bug Thing: (you can tell she's a girl
because she's pink) Yeah, that's sure great. I just wish you
hadn't taken me from my one true love, Boy Bug Thing, who also happens
to be a member of the resistance against your evil rule, and forced me
to marry you.
Emperor Bug Thing: Well you ARE the only
female of our species. It was that or marry Steve here.
Steve Bug Thing: (whispers to Girl Bug Thing)
Psst. He's horrible in bed, isn't he?
Girl Bug Thing: (giggles and nods yes)
Guard Bug Thing: (steps in) Your majesty,
a couple of our guards were out patrolling the middle of nowhere like you
asked, and they arrested these two aliens.
Emperor Bug Thing: I KNEW that middle of
nowhere patrol would pay off!
Guard Bug Thing: Do you want us to dissect
them and steal the technology from their spacecraft to make UFOs of our
own or something?
Emperor Bug Thing: Hmm... naw. Just
bring them into this room, right in front of me, and have guys attack them
while I watch.
Guard Bug Thing: Okay.
Steve Bug Thing: That's what you ALWAYS
do. Maybe you should be a little more creative.
Emperor Bug Thing: Shut up Steve.
(knocks him into a wall)
Nappa and Vegeta are led into the arena by
two guards
Vegeta: Well look at this. We seem
to have coincidentally wound up inside the stronghold of the Evil Empire
of Bug Things, right in front of their emperor.
Nappa: Funny, that.
Emperor Bug Thing: Wah hah hah! Now
I will make you fight to the death for my entertainment!
Vegeta: No. (zaps emperor Bug Thing,
instantly killing him)
Bug Thing 1: Uh oh, those guys just killed
our emperor.
Bug Thing 2: I guess that means... his evil
reign of terror is over!
Bug Thing 1: Hooray! Now we're all
free!
Bug Thing 2: Thank you for liberating us,
aliens! We'll always remember you!
Nappa: Okaysure. Bye.
Nappa and Vegeta fly off in their space ships.
Steve Bug Thing: They seemed nice.
Up above the planet.
Nappa: Gee, that was sure pointless.
Vegeta: That's why it's a filler episode.
Now lets destroy the planet.
On the planet..
Boy Bug Thing: Girl Bug Thing my darling!
At last you've returned to my battered soul! (they embrace)
Vegeta: Heh heh, I sure did destroy that
planet, huh Nappa.
Nappa: Gee, that was poignant. Those
two bug things were in love and looking forward to a bright future, and
we just callously killed them.
Vegeta: Um... we killed more than just the
ones that were in love. We destroyed the whole planet.
Nappa: Yeah but... those other ones we killed
weren't in love or anything. So they don't matter.
Vegeta: Yeah, you're right. Let's
get back to heading to Earth now.
Nappa: Okay.
The ships fly off into space.
Meanwhile, on planet Earth, inside Dr. Cardboard's
office.
Dr. Cardboard: (looks at his schedule)
I guess it's time to analyze the data from Piccolo's latest heart examination
now. (he reaches aside to the table with a folder marked "Piccolo"
on it, but accidentally picks up a different folder marked "Old Mister
Withers")
Audience: Uh oh...
Dr. Cardboard: (opens the folder and examines
the papers within. His eyes go wide) Sweet God! Nurse
Tissue Paper, get me Piccolo right this instant!
Audience: (laughs)
Nurse Tissue Paper: Right away doctor!
(she picks up a phone and dials, then hands it to the doctor.)
Gohan: (he answers) Hello, Piccolo
residence.
Dr. Cardboard: Hello, Gohan right?
Gohan: Yeah.
Dr. Cardboard: Gohan, is Piccolo there?
Gohan: Yeah, I'll get him.
Dr. Cardboard: No! Don't get him!
Now listen carefully. This is Dr. Cardboard. I just got the
results of Piccolo's heart examination, and it seems he's in terrible shape.
Gohan: Golly gee! How did that happen?
Dr. Cardboard: I don't know. It's
probably all the fighting he does. It causes his heart a lot of stress.
Now he's in such bad shape that if he fights any more, he could... pass
on into the next dimension.
Gohan: You mean die?
Dr. Cardboard: What? Little kids can't
know about death!
Gohan: Umm... rriiiiiiight. So anyway,
what should I do? I guess I should tell him to stop fighting!
Dr. Cardboard: No! You can't!
I'm afraid his heart's in such bad condition that if he found out, that
could kill him too!
Gohan: (gasp)
Dr. Cardboard: The only way to be sure he'll
be safe is if you stop him from ever fighting again, but don't tell him
about his problem. You have to do that for him.
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: I'll do anything for Mr. Piccolo.
Dr. Cardboard: Okay! Remember:
NO fighting. (hangs up)
Gohan: (hangs up the phone)
Piccolo: (walks into the room) Hey
Gohan, who was that on the phone?
Gohan: Um... your sister.
Piccolo: What?! I don't have a sister!
Nameks don't even have a sex!
Yajirobe: (walks through the front door)
Did somebody say sex?
Audience: (laughs and applauds)
Gohan: Hey, its our zany next door neighbor
Yajirobe! Let's go talk to him and ignore the weird thing I just
said.
Piccolo: Oh okay. Hi Yajirobe.
What's up?
Yajirobe: I just thought up another wacky
get-rich-quick scheme! You see, if we take a pig and breed it with
a pelican....
Piccolo and Gohan: (nodding heads and pretending
to listen)
Yajirobe: ...and the result would be that
we would have DOUBLE the amount of tin foil we started with, and we could
resell it for a profit! So what do you think guys, are you in?
Piccolo: Gee Yajirobe, I'd love to, but
I'm looking to make money in a way that's maybe a little less stupid.
Audience: Oooooohhh.
Yajirobe: All right man, your loss.
Maybe I'll let you ride my yacht when I'm a BILLIONAIRE! (he walks
off)
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: Oh, that Yajirobe.
Piccolo: What will he think of next?
Suddenly they hear a roar from the distance
Piccolo: Oh no, a dinosaur's attacking the
village! I'll go stop it!
Gohan: (gasp) No, you can't!
Piccolo: What?! Why not?!
Gohan: Because... you have to read me a
story!
Piccolo: I'll read you a story when I get
back! I have to save the village!
Gohan: (fake tears coming to his eyes)
But... but you promised.
Audience: Awwww....
Piccolo: (looks down at Gohan, then in the
direction of the village, then back at Gohan) Oh... okay, but just
a quick one.
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: (leads Piccolo into the house)
Meanwhile, at Kami's big floating island thing
Tien: (exchanging kicks and punches with
Yamucha) See? Some Random Guy DID work training into this episode.
Yamucha: Yeah, I guess he did. Hey,
have you seen Chouzu and Krillen?
Kami: (walks in) I have Chouzu training
in a little gravity room I made for him.
Yamucha: Gravity room?
Kami: It's a special device that amplifies
gravity for use in training. Chouzu is training under the 3x setting.
Tien: Yeah, that should help.
Near the gravity room
Krillen: (walking by, he sees Chouzu through
the window)
Chouzu: (punching and kicking the air, he
sees Krillen standing outside looking at him)
Krillen: (glare)
Chouzu: (glare)
Krillen: Well, what do we have here.
(he spies a dial on the outside of the room) Hmm, it's set to 3x.
3x? Is that all? Heh heh, Chouzu will never get strong in time
to beat the Saiyans under THAT setting. I'll just help him a little.
(turns the dial up to 5)
Chouzu: (having trouble standing under the
suddenly heavier gravity setting. He leans on a wall, and spies Krillen
outside screwing with the dial) Krillen! No!
Krillen: (shakes his head 'yes', smiling
evilly) Hmm.. 5 is still not enough, huh? (he switches the
dial to 10)
Chouzu: (his legs buckle and he falls to
the ground hard) Shit! Krillen! I'm gonna kill you!
(he slowly, painfully begins crawling to the door, not able to stand)
Krillen: (sees Chouzu trying to escape)
What?! Nonono, you can't quit training NOW! Don't give up Chouzu!
Reach for your dreams! You're only limited by your imagination!
(he spins the dial wildly) Wheeee... (it lands on about 30)
Chouzu: (being crushed into the ground)
Kami: (walks over to check on Chouzu)
Krillen, what are you-- Ack! (he pushes Krillen aside, and
quickly sets the dial back to 1) Damn it Krillen, you guys said you
would stop trying to kill each other.
Krillen: But I was HELPING him. (snicker)
Kami: (throws open the door, and helps Chouzu
to his feet, out of the indent he has made in the floor) Are you
okay, Chouzu?
Chouzu: (stumbles out of the room)
Krillen: DAMN! He's alive.
Chouzu: You're a bitch, Krillen.
Back at Piccolo's house
Piccolo: And they lived happily ever after
the end! (hears the roaring sound again) Now I've gotta go!
I think its getting closer!
Gohan: Just one more!
Piccolo: I already read you three!
Audience: (laughs)
Piccolo: Sorry, bye! (he runs out
the door)
Gohan: Oh no! If I let Piccolo fight
that dinosaur with his heart condition, he could die! (he runs out
the door after him) Piccolo, wait! (he runs over to the edge
of a cliff outside their house) Mister Piccolo! Help me!
I'm... I'm falling! (he jumps off)
Audience: (laughs)
Piccolo: Gohan! NOOOOO!! (he
flies down, and grabs hold of Gohan before he hits the bottom)
Gohan: Phew! Thanks for saving me
mister Piccolo!
Piccolo: It was nothing. (places Gohan
back down at the edge of the cliff) Now I'll go save the village!
I think that dinosaur is really close now!
Yajirobe: (he has just walked by)
Hey guys, I was wondering if...
Gohan: (pushes Yajirobe off the cliff)
Oh no! Now Yajirobe's falling!
Piccolo: Yajirobe! NOOOOO!!
(saves Yajirobe)
Audience: (laughs)
Yajirobe: Woooah. Gohan, why did you--
Gohan: Now we're both falling! (grabs
Yajirobe's hand and pulls him off the cliff with him)
Piccolo: Gohan! Yajirobe! NOOOOO!!
Several minutes later
Piccolo: (carrying Gohan, he puts him down
in his room) There, and I'll lock the door. Now you won't be
able to fall off the cliff again! I'll build a tall fence tomorrow,
that thing's really dangerous! But now I have to go fight the dinosaur,
I can hear it! It's almost at this house! (he shuts the door
and runs away)
Yajirobe: What the hell is wrong with Gohan,
anyway? And they think I'M crazy.
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: Oh no, he can't fight that dinosaur!
He has a bad heart condition, and he could die if he does! (climbs
out the window) Wait Piccolo!
Dinosaur: (it can now be seen, walking up
to the house)
Piccolo: Don't worry, I'll protect you Gohan!
Gohan: No! You can't!
Piccolo: What?! Why?!
Gohan: I guess I'll have to tell you, even
if its risky. You see, Dr. Cardboard called earlier today and told
me your heart is in bad shape from fighting, and if you did anymore it
could kill you!
Piccolo: (gasp)
Gohan: But I couldn't tell you because he
said that could kill you too!
Piccolo: (looking shocked)
Gohan: Please! Don't get too upset!
Your heart!
Suddenly the phone rings
Gohan: I'll get it. Hello?
Dr. Cardboard: Hello, Gohan! I'm afraid
there's been... a little mistake.
Gohan: Mistake?
Dr. Cardboard: Yes. It seems I accidentally
mixed up Piccolo's file with Old Mister Withers'. Piccolo's heart
is in perfect condition. He can fight all he wants.
Gohan: Really?! That's great!
Dr. Cardboard: Yes, well I'm very sorry.
But not as sorry as Mister Withers was. Heh heh. Oh my.
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: Well, I'm sure glad he's okay.
I'll tell him right away
Dr. Cardboard: Great. I sure hope
you didn't have any... trouble over this.
Gohan: No, none at all.
Audience: (laughs)
Gohan: (hangs up) Mister Piccolo!
Guess what! That was the doctor! It was all a mistake!
You can fight all you want!
Piccolo: Really? All right!
But wait a minute, you went to all that trouble, jumping off the cliff
and everything, just for me?
Gohan: Of coarse I did. I love you
mister Piccolo.
Audience: Awwwww...
Yajirobe: Oh my God! (being eaten
by the dinosaur) Arrrgh! Help me! Please!
Gohan and Piccolo: (hugging)
Yajirobe: Sweet God no! The pain!
The pain!
Back at Kami's place, dinner is being eaten.
Chouzu: Heh heh heh. I cooked up a
special dinner for you guys. Heh heh heh.
Krillen: Wait a minute, Chouzu cooked the
dinner?
Chouzu: Heh heh, yep. (he gives plates
of some sort of rice to everyone there) Here Krillen, I made a SPECIAL
one just for you. (he hands a plate to Krillen)
Krillen: Erm... hey look everyone, it's
Gokou! (he switches his and Chouzu's plates while their backs are
turned)
Yamucha: I don't see him.
Krillen: It must have just been a bird.
Chouzu: Hmm... hey, look, it's Piccolo!
Some time later
Kami: Okay! NO more distractions!
You two just sit down and eat! We're not looking at ANYTHING!
Krillen: (not quite sure where the plate
ended up) Oookay... sure.
Chouzu: (not sure either) Right...
eat.
Krillen and Chouzu: (they both take small
bites, then stare at each other for a few tense seconds. Surprisingly,
nothing happens.)
Chouzu: Hey, what happened to the poison?
All: POISON?! (they back away from
their plates)
Krillen: I KNEW it!
Chouzu: You tried to kill me in the gravity
room!
Mr. Popo: (walks in, and sits down at his
plate) Hey everyone, sorry I'm late. (takes a bite of his food.
Suddenly, he starts spasming uncontrollably. Blood comes from his
nose and mouth, and he knocks chairs over. Finally, he is still)
Chouzu: Oops, it must have somehow gotten
switched to Mr. Popo's plate. Sorry.
Kami: That's enough! You guys have
GOT to stop trying to kill each other! I mean it this time!
Chouzu: You're right Kami, I'm sorry.
(looks ashamed)
Krillen: Yeah, me too. (also looks
ashamed)
Kami: Oh, all right then.
Chouzu: Too bad about Mr. Popo dying, though.
Krillen: Yeah, too bad about that.
All: (laugh)
Freeze frame
End Episode Four
On the next episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite,
who knows what I'll do? I sure don't. But whatever it is, it'll
be really funny, rest assured. Really, it will be. |