Archmage's Tagline Collection

"Bother," said Pooh as he strafed the lifeboats.
"Bother," said Pooh, and called in an air strike.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he found a politician in his honey.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he struggled with his condom.
"Bummer," said Pooh when Tigger dropped the joint in the honey jar.
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf
"Cher"ware - you have to send in proof of a tattoo.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
"Energize," said Kirk, and the pink bunny appeared.
"Hey, can I get something to drink?" - Socrates
"I am a jelly doughnut." - John F. Kennedy
"I drank what?" - Socrates
"Meow" ...splat... "Aarf" ...splat... (raining cats and dogs)
"Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" - Bart Simpson
"More hay, Trigger?"  "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
"My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
"That's entertainment." - Vlad the Impaler
"Why Johnny Can't Read" - Now available on VHS tape.
"You want to be buried or cremated?"  "Surprise me."
(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer.
(c) Copywight Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
1024x768x256.... sounds like one mean woman.
42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!
9 out of 10 rotweilers prefer Jehovah's Witnesses.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A bird in the hand doesn't count in poker.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A darkroom is not the best place to develop a reputation.
A dirty book is seldom dusty.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
A fool and his money soon become a sysop!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
A miser is someone who earns his money the hoard way.
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
A procrastinator's work is never done.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
A single fact can ruin a good argument.
A SysOp's Mind is a terrible thing to waste.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Acoustic: Instrument used in billiards
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery
Aibophobia: The fear of palindromes
Alarm clock: A machine that scares the daylights into you
Alarm clock: Something that makes people rise and whine
Alas poor Tagline! I knew it well...
Alfred Hitchcooking: Stabbing frozen peas to get them to cook faster 
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got
Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
All sysops are not user friendly!
Always forgive your enemies. They hate that!
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Amateur hour: That 60 minutes after the bars close
Ambidextrose: able to put sugar in coffee with either hand.
An intelligent snake is a smart asp.
An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
An udder failure: Cow that doesn't give milk
And don't dangle your participles in public.
And God said, "I'll buy a vowel."
And I thought phrenology with a ball peen hammer was a dying art.
And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
And this little piggy stayed home. He's agoraphobic.
And you thought space was warped.
Anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind.
Annoying: Two people who go right on talking when you're interrupting  
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.
Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.
Archaeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins
Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
Armed, dangerous, and off my medication.
ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done.
Artery: Study of fine paintings
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Ask me about my vow of silence!
Assassins do it from behind.
Astronaut: Whirled traveler
At Windows, quality is job 1.1
Atheism: A non-prophet organization
Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted zip code!
Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it.
Bachelor: One who never makes the same mistake once
Bachelor: One who's footloose and fiance free
Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic    
Bacteria: The rear portion of the cafeteria
Bad or missing Sysop, free files in all areas.
Bald: Follicularly challenged
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails
Bathing Beauty: A girl worth wading for
Baudy House: Bordello with a modem
BBS Tip #45: ALT-H gives you SysOp access!
BBS Trek: The Text Generation
Become a sysop and never see the world!!!
Been there. Done that. Reincarnated.
Being a SysOp is nice but it interferes with my life.
Belly Dancers: People who use sign language and stutter
Below Average Pilot: Unequal number of takeoffs and landings
Benji! Get off the road!!!! &*%#$^%#&^# NO TERRIER
Better living through alchemy.
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
Beware - Tagline Thief in this echo
Bill Clinton: the EDLIN of presidents.
Blind Spot: What Dick and Jane did to be cruel
Blondes AND women AND nurses can be sysops, too!
Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance
Boldly going forward because we can't find reverse.
Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It
Brassiere: A tit-tote
Buccaneer: The price of corn on the cob
Bulldozer: One who can sleep through a campaign speech
Bunnies hopping backward: A receding hareline
Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies
But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
C'mon, where's your sense of adventure?
Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but...
Calm down! It's only zeros and ones.
Can priests turn other food into God, or only cookies?
Can you teach an old SysOp new tricks?
Captain! The UARTs kenna' take these speeds!
Captain, I sense a million minds staring at my cleavage.
Carpenter: A guy who nails down his agreement
Cat bathing is a martial art.
Cat Scan: Searching for kitty
Cat: A small, furry beast resembling a meatloaf
Catarrh: Stringed instrument
Catastrophe: Award given to the cat with the cutest buns
Catatonic: An aging cat in desperate need for Geritol
Catchup: A hair ball
Caterpillar: A soft scratching post for a kitten
Catifornia: The sunshine State for cats
Catolick: A religiously clean kitty
Cats know how we feel. They don't give a damn, but they know.
Catty: An afternoon gathering of gossips
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chicloexdus: The route taken by a gumball to avoid capture
Childish game: one at which your spouse beats you.
Chinese spy: A Peking Tom
Chirpes: (n.) canarial disease, no tweetment.
Choosey mothers choose GIF.
Circular definition: see definition, circular.
Classified Tag Line - Please Enter Password:
Clinical studies show there are no answers.
Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated
Co-sysop wanted: Must have good oral skills
Coincide: What you do when it starts to rain
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
Colic: sheep dog
Collect call from Earth, will you accept?
Columbus had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge.
Coma: punctuation mark
Commentator: An average potato
Computer illiteracy? You mean my computer's supposed to READ?
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computing is a terminal condition.
Confusion not only reigns, it pours...
Congenital: Friendly
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Conservative: One who's too cowardly to fight, too fat to run
Contraceptives: Devices to be used on all conceivable occasions
Corduroy Pillows: Pillows that are making Headlines
Corkscrew: The best thing with which to open a conversation
Cosmetics: A womans' means to keep a man from reading between lines 
Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
Cows ride the space shuttle - the herd shot round the world.
Cream rises to the do dead fish.
Creative marketing: 15 doughnut shops next to 4 weight loss clinics 
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of e-mail!
Cursor: An expert in four-letter words
Cyber-Dog food: Kibbles and Bytes, and Bytes and Bytes  
Cyclic Redundancy Check: Two locks on the same bicycle
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy?
Dead: Living impaired
Death to all fanatics!
Dedicated to the brave men who go down to the chips in C.
Define (n.)  De ting you get for breaking de law.
Define sysop = God Reality = Null
Democracy: 3 wolves and a sheep voting on what's for lunch.
Democracy: two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual
Dishonest: Ethically disoriented
Disney World - a people trap operated by a mouse.
Do dogs mistake you for a friend (or a fire hydrant)?
Do objects have to pay an inheritance tax?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Do televangelists do more than lay people?
Do the words 'act of war' mean anything to you?
Do what you will with this tagline, just don't bother me about it!
Do your good deed for the day, Bribe a sysop. ;)
Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs?! Nurses are better :)
Documentation - The worst part of programming.
Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
Does a sysop have to call himself to read his mail?
Does steel wool come from metal sheep?
Does Tasha have a Data entry problem?
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
Don't hit me, Mr. Moderator... I'll go back on topic... I swear!
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
Don't open the dark room door! You'll let all the dark out!
Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it!
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Don't touch that keyboard, we'll be right back.
Don't use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself.
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded!
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dumb terminal, eh? Well, kiss my parallel port!
Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa ... News at 11
Eagles fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and socially dead.
Earth: if you love it, leave it.
Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo ...
Editing is a rewording activity.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
Ensign Fodder, report to transporter for away team duty.
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution.
Entomology: I fear no weevil.
Error opening CLINTON.LIE   Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Every time my ship comes in there's a dock strike.
Everybody stand back, he's got a MAGNET!
Everything's falling into place - on top of me.
Excuse me, Chief, my shoe is ringing.
Fail: Achieve a deficiency
Failure is not in falling down, but in staying down.
Fanatic: can't change his mind, won't change the subject.
Fat: Horizontally challenged
Fatal error in LIFE.SYS: Deleting sysop.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
FIDO: all the social dynamics of kindergarten.
File MASTERPI.ECE not found: (A)bort, (Retry), (S)uicide?
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Fish are so hard to toilet train.
For NASA, space is still a high priority. - Dan Quayle
For sale: parachute, used once, never opened, small stain.
For sincere personal advice, page your sysop at 3 A.M.
For sincere personal advice, page your sysop at 3 AM.
For Sysop use onlY - Do not write below this line.
For your convenience our staff is fluent in monosyllabic grunts.
Forget everything, as one day everything will forget you.
Friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
Friends don't let friends use Windoze.
Friends help you move; Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your taglines!
From the Sysop's dirty mind...err, desk.
Funny how no sysops have complained over the "extra expense".
G = Guns, PG = Plenty of Guns, PG13 = more than 12 guns.
Get back at your enemies, make'em a sysop!
Gimme $50 or I'll tell Janet Reno you're a cult member.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Give the gift of high velocity lead.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
Go ahead, make my danish.
Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200!
Gone crazy, be back later, please leave message.
Got a 486 for my wife - good trade.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
Government: not the solution, but the problem.
Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.
Graduate of the Uncle Fester School of Party Etiquette.
Guts:  Putting the name "SYSOP" in your twit filter.
Guts: putting "Sysop" in your twit filter.
Hail Caesar! We who are about to dine salad you.
Happiness is a state of mind. Not happy?  Change your mind.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you hugged your Sysop today?
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!
He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
He who laughs last is generally a bit slow.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
He who stick head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Help! I've fallen down, and I kind of like it down here!
Here I sit, in a tizzy - all my favorite boards are busy.
Here's a quarter, call someone who cares
Hi, I'm a tagline. When I grow up I'm gonna be a novel!
Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me!
Hi. I'm the tagline your mother warned you about.
Hollowpoints - the ultimate in feminine protection.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did the fool and his money get together in the first place?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Hubing: More fun than being a sysop
Human being: automatic door opener for cats.
Human beings were created by water to transport it up hill.
I agreed to suspend disbelief, not hang it until it died!
I ain't broke but I'm badly bent.
I always wanted to be something, I wish I'd been more specific.
I am Clinton of Borg. Your paycheck will be assimilated.
I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican. - Dan Quayle
I am Procrastitron. I will destroy you, eventually.
I believe in The Divine Right of SysOps.
I brake for animals - and accelerate for small children.
I brake for hallucinations.
I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!    
I can fly! I can fly! I can...oh #$%&!
I can't think of anything that remotely fits the subject.
I did NOT escape....they gave me a day pass.
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.
I don't cheat, I play by the extended rules.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling
I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I don't want the whole world, just your half.
I escaped from a political correction facility.
I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!
I hit the CRTL key but I'm still not in control!
I just got my phone bill. Buy AT&T stock now!
I just had a mental breakdown. Got any jumper cables?
I just picked up a book called "Glue" and I can't put it down.
I keep forgettin' I forgot about you
I know a good tagline when I steal one.
I know it all, I just can't remember most of it.
I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco.
I like Barney...stuffed and mounted on my wall.
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
I like your approach. Now, let's see your departure.
I live in a quiet neighborhood - they use silencers.
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle
I love my country but I fear my government.
I plan to be a late bloomer - it's the only chance I've got.
I pray to St. Francis of ANSI C.
I shot JFK, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it?
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. - Dan Quayle
I threw caution to the wind. The wind threw it back.
I tried snorting coke once. I almost drowned.
I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
I tried to smoke some hash, but the corned beef wouldn't light!
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I used to have a life, then I became a sysop.
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
I was born alive. Isn't that punishment enough?
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I would have wrote you A letter, but I couldn't spell yuck!
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I! Finally! Figured! Out! How! To! Punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
I'm a poor lonesome point, and a long way from home
I'm a writer. Prohibited by statute from having money.
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm being held prisoner in a chocolate factory. Don't send help.
I'm in a class by myself. Everyone else graduated.
I'm into BBS&M.
I'm just a bug on the windshield of life
I'm mad! This 386 doesn't spel any better than the XT.
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm not a sysop; I just play one on the echoes.
I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.
I'm not round. I'm an oblate spheroid.
I'm not so much human as cat furniture.
I've GOT it together. You should have seen it APART!
I've plummeted to my death and I can't get up!
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If All Else Fails: BLAME THE SYSOP!!!!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you!
If at first you don't succeed, well...darn.
If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevent.
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it.
If it ain't broke, I can fix it.
If it can't be fixed with Vise-Grips & duct tape, it can't be fixed.
If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
If it's not violent...what fun is it?
If life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and salt!
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If money talks, Being a SysOp is pretty quiet!
If not for politicians, we wouldn't NEED assault rifles.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If the phone doesn't ring, you'll know it's me
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If this were an actual tagline, you would be laughing now.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle
If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you can read this, my cloaking device is on the fritz.
If you can't say something nice, say something surreal.
If you don't leave me alone, I'll go and find someone else who will
If you hear an onion ring, please answer it!
If you leave me, can I come too?
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat.
if(sysop != here) crash(system);
Ignorance is temporary; Stupidity lasts forever!!!
Ignorant: Knowledge-based nonpossessor
Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!
Impeach Clinton...and her husband!
In DoubleSpace no one can hear your data scream.
Intel - still number 0.999873464508 !
Intel calculations: 486 + 100 = 585.9999999872364
Irk your SYSOP: Use TLX & select the BIGGEST quote box
It just doesn't get any Beta than this.
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines...
It would never work. I'm Aquarius and you're ridiculous.
It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone shorts.
It's a SMALL war, can I have it?
It's not cute being this easy.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle
Jesus Saves! Passes to Moses, He shoots. He SCORES!
Join my war on technology...send me a FAX. - Mark Russell
Join the plot! Burn a Sysop today!!!!!!!!!!
Just a modern modem mage cruising the electronic highways.
Just sliding down the razor blade of life.
Just when I had you wriggling in the crushing grip of reason, too.
Karaoke is the Japanese word for "tone deaf."
Keelhauling is a real bitch on a starship.
Keep your quantum-pickin hands off.
Klingon Prime Directive: If it moves, shoot it.
Klingon prompt: strike any user when ready.
Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
Lazy: Motivationally deficient
Lead me not into temptation, unless there's money involved.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
Let the meek inherit the Earth, I want the stars!
Licensed remote control operator.
Life is a lemon and I want my money back.
Life's a bitch, but some of the puppies are cute.
Listen to sermon before eating missionary.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Lord, give me patience... right now!
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
LSD: virtual reality without the expensive hardware.
Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
Make headlines!  Use a cordoroy pillow!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Mama get the hammer, there's a fly on papa's head
Mars needs women - no experience necessary!
Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised.
Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
Mary had a little RAM, its bits were white as snow.
Math and Alcohol don't mix.... Don't drink and derive!
Me and you and a Borg named Hugh...
Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for <>...ribbit.
Member of PETA - People for the Eating of Tasty Animals
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Misspelled? Impossible...error correcting modem!
MODEM: Modus Operandi Device for Evil Minds
Money is the root of all evils. Send $20 for more information.
Money talks... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
Morals for sale, never used. Contact Bill Clinton.
Mouse not found. Click to continue.
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
Multi-tasking - screwing up several things at once.
My body is a temple, and my mouth is a concession stand.
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
My IRS check just bounced.
My other computer is a VAX.
My ship came in. Naturally it was the Kobayashi Maru.
My superiority complex is better than yours!
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him
Netmail doesn't exist; the Sysop types all this in!
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they're Catholic!
Never Argue With a Skunk, Mule, Woman or a SysOp
Never judge a book by its movie.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do next week.
Never question authority. It doesn't know either.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)
Next from Intel: the Repentium.
Nice underwear. Perhaps you should take them off your head.
No dolphins were killed to produce this message.
No matter how cynical I get, I still can't keep up. - Lily Tomlin
No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant?
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
None of you exist. The sysop types it all in.
Not tonight, dear. I have a modem.
Nothing in policy implies that sanity is a SysOp requirement!
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
Now where dit I park that hard drive?
Objects are just data structures with an attitude.
Of course I'm sane. The voices said so.
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?
Oh, no, not another learning experience!
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Old poets never die, they just ride off into the sonnet.
On line? Hit  for a quick I.Q. Test!
One if by LAN, two if by C.
One of those days? I have one of those lives.
One ring to rule them all, and one for me... just to make sure...
Oops. My brain just hit another bad sector.
Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
Open the windows and the bugs will creep in.
Page your sysop at 3am for Free Prizes!
Pain is inevitable. Misery, however, is an option.
Panhandler: Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding
Paradigms - you know what they say, "shift happens."
Paranoid: someone who just figured out what's going on.
Pardon me, but your Freudian slip is showing.
Pardon me, I've got someone to kill
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
People like that are the reason we have middle fingers.
Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional
Philistines demand David be tested for steroids.
Please hold. A representative will annoy you shortly.
Please reply if you don't get this message.
Please report all lost or stolen taglines to your Sysop.
Please return sysop to original upright position.
Please, no deja vu; I don't want to go through that again.
PMS is a vicious cycle!
Pollytheism n.; the belief that God is a parrot.
Positive: mistaken at the top of your voice.
Practice safe fax...ALWAYS use a cover slip.
Pregnant: Parasitically opressed
Press  to Adopt Me!  I need a better home.
Press any key to continue, press any other key to abort...
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Professionals are predictable - amateurs are DANGEROUS!
Professor: one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Psst, your file is open.
Psychic Convention cancelled due to unforeseen problems.
Psychoceramics - the study of crackpots.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Purranoia: the fear that your cats are up to Something!
Quick, send duck tape! My duck is quacked!
Quit worrying about your health, it'll go away.
Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
Quoth the Raven, "Eat my shorts!"
Raise your IQ: eat gifted children.
RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory    
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Rap is to music as the Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Reality-ometer:  [\........]  Hmmph!  Thought so...
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!      
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
Rings of Saturn are made entirely of lost airline luggage.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Saint Fracas (456? - 458) had a short but raucous childhood.
Semper Fidelis: Always faithful. Semper Gumby: Always flexible.
Send your spare mice to SOCKS@WHITEHOUSE.GOV
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
Seppuku: unique Japanese way to let it all hang out.
Serial Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
Shell to DOS...Come in Dos, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Short: Vertically challenged
Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
Sinead O'Connor: a chia pet before adding water.
Situation normal: I don't know what I'm doing.
Smith & Wesson: the original "point and click" interface.
Smoke may indicate you have passed maximum performance.
Smokey the Bear says, "Strip mining prevents forest fires."
So easy to use a child can do it. Child sold separately.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
Some of my best personalities are insane!
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.
Sorry about the crayon. They won't let me have sharp objects.
Sorry, my mind was on edible underwear today.
Speak the truth, but leave the motor running.
Spendthrift: Negative saver
Stand back! I've got a mouse and I know how to use it!
Starfleet Academy has a drama department?
Stoned: Chemically inconvenienced
Styrofoam is shipped in ground-up environmentalists.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support Capitol punishment - spank your congressman.
Support safe housing; use condos.
Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms.
Suture Self Magazine, the home guide to personal surgery.
Syntax? Why not? They tax everything else!
Sysop (sihs' op) n.: The person laughing at your typing.
Sysop - Guy who likes watching others use his computer.
SysOp : Person with a parity error between the ears.
SysOp not found!  Please notify computer ....
Sysop requesting chat.  Press Alt-H for chat mode.
SYSOP stands for Sent Your Spouse Obscene Pictures
Sysop's have more fun than ##%@
SysOp's law #1 - New users always find the glitch.
Sysop: Descendant of Aesop with a keyboard
Sysoping: More fun than being beaten with a sledgehammer.
Sysoping: More fun than using Windoze
Sysoping: Not just an adventure, it's a job..
Sysops having sex:  "Oooh!  Interface me!"
Sysops; the undoing of Big Brother.
System error - press F13 to continue.
Tactics: breath freshener for dyslexics.
Tagline thievery... on the next Geraldo!
Take a minute to BEAT your Sysop.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My other car is underwater.
That was Zen, this is Tao.
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
The Comma Sutra - the guide to Grammatic Satisfaction.
The computer revolution is over. They won.
The dead outnumber the living more than 30 to 1.
The Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
The first airplane hangar was built for drip-dry planes.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant and Chocolate.
The future will be better tomorrow. - Dan Quayle
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The is abuse. Arguments are down the hall.
The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.
The most affectionate creature is the wet dog.
The OFFICIAL tagline of the 1996 Olympics!
The pen is mightier than the sword. The mouse is mightier than the pen.
The proverbial proprietor provides practical proverbs.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The SysOp wears a toupee.
The trouble with life is the lack of cool background music.
The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
Theatre is life - Film is art - Television is furniture.
Then Q met Lorena - after which he was known as O.
There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
There are millions of stories in the Naked Echo.
There are no ESC keys on prison PCs.
There will be a rain dance Friday, weather permitting.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
They made us eat porridge. It was a gruelling experience.
Things you never hear people say; "Hand me that piano."
This BBS has achieved Air superiority.
This little piggy went to market. He's a shopaholic.
This product sadistically tested on gerbils.
This space for rent - contact your sysop
This starship breaks for black holes and temporal disunities.
This tagline is SHAREWARE!  To register, send me $10
To a cat: happiness is a warm laser printer.
To clone a felon, do I use the COPY CON command?
To discover proper respect for authority, twit your sysop.
To eat, perchance, to barf.
To err is human, to forgive is against sysop policy!
Tomato paste - what you use to fix broken tomatoes.
Tractor pulls: for people who can't understand wrestling.
Traduire veut dire mourir de rire
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
Tuesday is Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler - Tom Servo
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Two silkworms were having a race, but it ended in a tie.
Ugly: Cosmetically different
Unable To Locate Conference - Sysop.sys Lost.
Unauthorized System Access.  Sysop Terminated.
Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured
Used car: not what it's jacked up to be.
Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual
Veni, vidi, velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. - Dan Quayle
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Waitress! (glare)  This roadkill is not properly aged!
Wanna give Fido fits?  Address your message to SYSOP!"
Want a stupid answer? Ask your sysop!
Wanted: Sysops.  Some assembly required.
Was Wile E. Coyote a member of MENSA?
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. - Dan Quayle
We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. - Dan Quayle
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.
We secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals...
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world!
We've been through so much together and most of it was your fault!
Welcome to Earth - 75% water, 25% malls
Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg...
Well, MY broker is E.F. Hutton, and... MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
What came first, the woman or the department store?
What do you mean, you formatted the cat?
What do you mean? You actually read this Tagline?!?
What fools these morals be?
What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
What is a "free gift?"  Aren't all gifts free?
What is a sysop and why would I want to Yell at it?
What is the airspeed of a swallow on unleaded?
What is the highest pyramid in the world? Amway.
What part of my brilliance don't you understand.
What this country needs is a good 5-cent quarter.
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
What were you this time, Odo? The modem? The computer? The TAGLINE!
What's all this about hell fire and dalmations?
What?!? This isn't the Files section?!?
When life hands you lemons make Strawberry Daiquiris.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you leave walk out backwards, so I'll think you're walking in
When you've got no choice, be brave.
Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?
Where is the 'ANY' key?
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Whip me, beat me, make me a SYSOP
Who was Casper the Friendly Ghost before he died?
Whoever decided to limit taglines to a single line can just kiss my
Why am I a sysop?  Because I'm STUPID!
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats, instead of parachutes?
Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why did the Howells pack so much for a three hour tour?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why put off 'til tomorrow what you'll never do anyway?
Why'd they bury Mozart? Because he was decomposing.
Will that be cache or chkdsk?
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
WindowError 001: Windows loaded. System in danger.
WindowError 002: No error...... Yet.
WindowError 003: Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
WindowError 004: Erroneous error. Nothing wrong.
WindowError 005: Multitasking attempted. System confused.
WindowError 006: Malicious error. Desqview found on drive.
WindowError 007: System price error. Inadequate money spent.
WindowError 008: Broken window. Watch out for glass fragments.
WindowError 009: Horrible bug encounterd. Only God knows what happened.
WindowError 010: Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
WindowError 011: Inadequate disk space. Need 95 MB minimum.
WindowError 012: Memory hog error. More RAM needed! More! More!
WindowError 013: Window closed. Don't look out.
WindowError 014: Window open. Don't look in.
WindowError 015: Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowError 016: Recoverable error. System destroyed anyway.
WindowError 017: Non existent error. This cannot really be happening!
WindowError 018: Unable to exit Windows. Try the Door.
WindowError 019: Door locked. Try CTRL-ALT-DELETE.
WindowError 020: Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of!
WindowError 021: Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
WindowError 022: User error. It's not our fault. It's not! It's not!
WindowError 023: Operating system overwritten. Terribly sorry.
WindowError 024: Illegal error. Do NOT get this error please.
WindowError 025: Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WindowError 026: Unable to figure out our own code. System crashed.
WindowError 027: Timing error. Please wait.. and wait.. and wait...
WindowError 028: Reserved for future mistakes.
WindowError 029: Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost.
WindowError 030: Able to figure out our own code. System still crashed.
WindowError 031: Unable to Multitask. (A)dd 16 Mb, (T)hrow PC out window.
WindowError 032: Mouse not found. Driver not installed. Click to continue.
WindowError 033: An error occurred because an error occurred.
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum.
Women do come with instructions, ask them!
Worst: Least best
Would you have the grace to discorporate?
Wrong: Differently logical
WWhhaatt  ddooeess  dduupplleexx  mmeeaann??
WYMI: the all-philosophy radio station.
Yeah, it's done. Can't you hear the smoke alarm?
Yes, but you're taking the universe out of context.
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again. - L. Long
Yogi Bare was a Buddhist Nudist.
You are in a maze of twisty little BBS menus, all alike...
You can fool some of the people and really piss them off.
You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem...
You make ends meet... and they hate each other!
You're about as subtle as an axe between the eyes.
You're gonna hurt all three of my feelings!
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
You're the computer, you tell ME where the file is!
You're the reason our kids are so ugly
You've got to hand it to the IRS. If not, they'll come and take it.
Zebra: a sports model jackass.
ZenCrafters: Total enlightenment, in about an hour.

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