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Episode 9
"Aftermath"

On the last episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, Gokou was finally able to defeat the dastardly Vegeta, only to be cornered by an even more powerful force: Chi-Chi.  Now, he and Krillen, in their weakened states, are utterly helpless before her fury.  What will become of them?

Chi-Chi:  It's time... for you to die.

Krillen:  I bet you wish you hadn't made me eat that bean now, huh Gokou?

Gokou:  Krillen, shut up.

Chi-Chi:  Any last words, Gokou dear?

Gokou:  Chi-Chi honey, please!  Think about this!  If you kill me, Gohan will grow up without a father!  Do you know the statistics about children who grow up without a father?  I don't exactly either, but they're something like 50% more likely to get into drugs and gangs and stuff!  And I heard a lot of them become gay too!  Please, think of Gohan!

Chi-Chi:  Hmmm...

Gokou:  You don't want our son to become a flaming homosexual, do you?

Chi-Chi:  (long pause)  I suppose you do have a point.

Gokou:  Yes!  Yes, of coarse I do!  So come on honey, let's go home and-

Chi-Chi:  (disintegrates Gokou with an enormous ki blast, then turns to face Krillen)  Krillen, you are Gohan's new father.

Krillen:  Gh- I- WHAT?!

Chi-Chi:  You heard me.  I designate that you will be my new husband.

Krillen:  But... but... I'm the alpha midget!

Chi-Chi:  Not anymore you aren't.  You'll just have to get someone else to be that alpha thing.  You're going to be a full time dad.  Come on, let's try to get the wedding done before Gohan wakes up.

Meanwhile, somewhere on a far off planet...

Freeza:  Destroying civilizations is fun.

Some Alien:  Oh, you frosty Freeza!  You have already destroyed most of my world, but I will kill you now!

Freeza:  Oh.  Oh my.  You wish to fight me, do you?

Alien:  Yes!  I will destroy you!  (attacks)

Freeza:  (basically ignoring the Alien's attacks)  I must say you are very powerful.  Yes, much more powerful than I would have expected.  If I were to hazard a guess at your power level, I would have guessed it was much lower than it in fact is, but now I see that it is higher than I would have guessed.  Nevertheless, you are still pitifully weak compared to me...

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  ...because you see, my friend, my power level is so high, that even your somewhat high power level is no match for it.  So, even though you are stronger than it at first seemed, you still have little chance against my even stronger... strength.  In short, I am much more powerful than you, and you will never hurt me...

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  ...I must stress the extreme difference between our strengths.  You see, I am just so much stronger than you - though you are still pretty strong when compared to other weak people, and are much stronger than I would have imagined - that you just have no chance of injuring me in any way, and thus are able to keep punching me like you are without causing any sort of damage.  Because I'm so strong, and you, when compared to me, are not.

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  And so, in short, your strength, great as it may be, is still utterly insignificant compared to my vastly superior almighty strength.  In fact, your entire body strength could not possibly hope to compete with the strength found in a single one of my muscles, even if it was a small and relatively weak muscle, not that I have any weak muscles, since all parts of me are insanely strong, but some are weak compared to others.

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  The strength of my left hand index finger is greater than yours.  The strength of my tongue is greater than yours.  The strength of a single one of my eyebrows is greater than yours.  The strength of my toe is greater than yours.  And I don't even mean my big toe.  No, no, my big toe is so beyond you as to be completely ridiculous.  But even the smallest of my toes has a greater strength than your total.  Yes, that's right, the freakishly small toe on my left foot, smaller even than an average little toe, the result of a genetic birth defect, has a greater power level than your total.  How does it feel to know that you could be beaten in a fight by my deformed toe?

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  Yes, that's correct, I am saying that my deformed toe, if it were to fight you in a one on one duel, could defeat you itself, even without the help of the rest of my body.  But you're not attacking my deformed toe alone.  You're not even attacking my big toe alone, are you?  No, you are attacking not only my deformed toe, not only my big toe, not only my eye brow, tongue, and left hand index finger combined, but also the rest of my body too, all at once, all by yourself!

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  Don't you understand the folly of what you are doing?  That your power level - high as it may be when compared to most people - is less than that of a single deformed body part of mine, and yet you are battling with my entire body?  Don't you understand that your chance of winning is less than nothing?  That even if you were fighting my deformed toe alone it would be virtually nothing, but instead you are fighting all of me?

Alien:  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  DON'T YOU?!

Alien:  I will never give up!  I will fight to save my planet!  (continues attacking Freeza)

Freeza:  (sighs, and destroys the planet)

[BOOM!]

Freeza:  (floating in space)  Zarbon!  Dodoria!  Come look at the pretty fireworks!  Oh, they aren't here.  Oh well, might as well go home then.  I wish people would pay more attention to my speeches.

That night at the Freeza residence...

Zarbon:  (bursts into Freeza's room to find him in bed with the sheets pulled over him)

Freeza:  Ack!  What do you want?

Zarbon:  (looks embarrassed)  Err, I'm sorry my lord, but I have some very important news.

Freeza:  Um... you do?  What is it?

Zarbon:  Can you get dressed, and then we'll talk about it?

Freeza:  Fine fine!  Go then!

Zarbon:  (exits)

Freeza:  (looks his under the covers)  Phew, that was a close one.

Purple Teletubbie:  (pops his head up from hiding)  Tinky-Winky!

Freeza:  (gets out of bed and begins to get dressed)

Purple Teletubbie:  Again!

Freeza:  No, later.  I have something important to discuss with Zarbon.

Purple Teletubbie:  Tinky-Winky!

Freeza:  Um, yes.  I agree.

In a short while, in a meeting room.

Freeza:  So these "Dragon Balls" can be found on planet Namek?  Sounds... (licks his lips)  exquisite.

Zarbon:  But I haven't told you what they do yet.

Freeza:  Do?

Elsewhere in outer space.

Vegeta:  Ha ha ha ha!  I will merely go to planet Namek and get the other set of Dragon Balls which I've somehow determined exist, and then... the wish will be MINE!  (to a random passerby)  Do you think you can play Sailor Moon better than me?  Do you?  I think not!  Not for long!

Random passerby:  (trying vainly to ignore him)

Vegeta:  I know you can hear me!  I AM A SUPER SAIYAN!

Kiwi:  (walks in)  Did you just say something about planet Namek?  What a coincidence!  I just heard Freeza was going there!

Vegeta:  Crap!  Scuse me.  (runs off)

Kiwi:  Something about his behavior is making me suspicious.

Back on planet Earth.

Priest:  Do you, Krillen, take Chi-Chi to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Chi-Chi:  Say "yes" or I'll destroy this city.

Krillen:  (thinking of the hordes of beautiful bald midget females who would be coming to mate with him)  I... I... (starts to cry) I do.

Priest:  And do you, Chi-Chi-

Chi-Chi:  Yes!  Yes, I do!  (kisses Krillen)  You've made me the happiest girl in the world!

Priest:  I now pronounce you husband a wife.  Now please let me go and don't hurt me.

Gohan:  (wakes up from unconsciousness)  Ugh... what's going on?  Where am I?  (sees Chi-Chi)  Mommy!

Chi-Chi:  Don't worry, Gohan.  I've rescued you from those mean old guys.  There will be no more fighting evil aliens, or saving the world, or training with some green guy, or watching TV, or going places, or running around outside, or playing, or having friends, or seeing the sky, or getting up from your desk for any reason other than to go to the bathroom, ever, ever, again.  Ever.

Gohan:  But... but where's daddy?

Chi-Chi:  He's right here, son.  (motions to Krillen)

Gohan:  What?  That's Krillen, not daddy.

Chi-Chi:  No, you're wrong Gohan honey.  This is your daddy.

Gohan:  It's... Krillen.

Chi-Chi:  (her eyes glow briefly red)  Daddy.

Gohan:  Uh... daddy.  Right.

Krillen:  Hello... son.

Gohan:  Hi... dad.

In heaven.

A small restaurant.  It's sign read "Mr. Popo's Place," but that has been crossed out, and it now reads "Yamucha's Place."

Yamucha:  I hope you enjoyed Yamucha's Place.  Please come again!

Gokou:  (walks in)  Mmmm, Yamucha's Place.  Sounds good.  Woah, it's YOU!

Yamucha:  Gokou!

Gokou:  I assumed it was a different Yamucha.

Yamucha:  Hey, does this mean Vegeta killed you?  Is the Earth destroyed?

Gokou:  No, I beat Vegeta.  It was Chi-Chi.

Yamucha:  (winces)

Piccolo, Chouzu, and Tien:  (walk in)

Tien:  Hey Yamucha, what's- Gokou!

Gokou:  Hey look, we're all together!

Piccolo:  Chi-Chi, right?

Gokou:  (nods)

Man:  (walks over to Yamucha)  Are you the owner of this restaurant?

Yamucha:  Yes, yes I am.  How can I help you?

Man:  I'm the health inspector.  (holds up an ID)  I'm afraid I'm going to have to shut this restaurant down for gross health violations.

Yamucha:  What?  Whatever do you mean?

Man:  Well, for instance, none of your food seems to be cooked.

Yamucha:  You have to cook it?

Man:  And on top of that, there is some guy's corpse laying in the middle of the restaurant.  It's starting to stink.

Yamucha:  I was gonna get around to cleaning up Mr. Popo eventually.

Man:  Sorry, but you're getting shut down.  (walks off)

Yamucha:  Damn, now what am I going to do with my time?

Gokou:  You can come with me.

Yamucha:  Where are you going, Gokou?

Gokou:  To get revenge.  On King Kai.  He made me get to Earth a day late.

Chouzu:  Revenge?  Cool!  I want to come!

Tien:  Yeah!  Let's all go!

Piccolo:  This is just like old times, when all of us would get together to fight some evil villain.

Yamucha:  What the hell are you talking about?  The last person we fought before the Saiyans was you!

Piccolo:  (thinking)  Hmmm... oh yeah.  I did used to be evil, didn't I?

In a short while, at King Kai's planet.

King Kai:  Hey, Bubbles!  What's the deal with Bozo the clown?  Does he really need "the clown?"  I mean, are we gonna mistake him for Bozo the district attorney?  (laughs hilariously)  Ever since I started watching that delightful Sienfeld, I've been funnier than ever!

Gokou:  Hey, I've got one.

King Kai:  (spins around)  Ack!

Gokou:  What's the deal with your head?  I mean, why am I ABOUT TO CRUSH IT LIKE AN OVERRIPE FRUIT!

Gokou, Yamucha, Tien, Chouzu, and Piccolo are standing around King Kai, looking menacing.

King Kai:  Gokou!  Oh no, you're DEAD?!

Gokou:  Yes I am.

Piccolo:  And now, so are you!

King Kai:  But wait!  I can train all of you!  I'll do it if you let me live!  Please!

Tien:  Hm... let us think... NO!

Chouzu:  Because of you, we ALL died!  And now... it's payback time!

King Kai:  Hold on!  Do you want to be brought back to life?

Gokou:  Huh?

Yamucha:  What are you talking about?  The Dragon Balls are gone!

King Kai:  But my world had its own set of Dragon Balls!  We can use those to wish you back!

Gokou:  Huh?  Your world has Dragon Balls?  Why didn't you mention this before?

King Kai:  Because you can only use them once every billion zillion years!  I didn't want to waste them.  But I can use them now, to get you back to Earth.

Gokou:  Well, I would like to fight Vegeta again. And also Chi-Chi, after I've trained.  A lot.

King Kai:  Good!  Good!  So let me live, and I'll wish Gokou back!  And then maybe he can find a way to wish the rest of you back!

Yamucha:  Wait a minute, this won't work.  We don't even have the Dragon Radar.  (looks across the vast expanse of King Kai's world)  They could be anywhere!

King Kai:  We'd better start looking.

Back on Earth.

Krillen:  (wearing an apron and sweeping the floor, he sighs)

Yajirobe:  (walks in)  Hi, I'm Piccolo's zany next door neighbor Yajirobe!

Krillen:  I'm not in the mood, Yajirobe.

Yajirobe:  But I came to tell you that I have a really zany scheme to wish the others back!

Krillen:  What do you mean?  The Dragon Balls are gone!  Piccolo and Kami are dead!

Yajirobe:  But I was just thinking that since Piccolo's a Namek, maybe the other Nameks have their own planet and their own Dragon Balls, and we can use those.

Krillen:  YAJIROBE GO AWAY!

Yajirobe:  Sheesh, someone's a little cranky.  (walks off)

Krillen:  (goes back to sweeping, and then suddenly stops)  Hmm... wait a minute.

Chi-Chi:  Krillen, darling.  GET BACK TO WORK!

Krillen:  Yes dear!  (starts sweeping furiously)   Hmmm.... (thinking to himself)

End Episode Nine

On the next episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, the plan starts to come together, as several parties are all heading off to planet Namek to get the other set of Dragon Balls.  What will happen?  Find out on the next exiting episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, "I haven't thought of a title yet."

 
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