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  This was originally written between the writing of episodes 3 and 4.  Some of it is out of date, particularly the stuff about homepage.com, whom I no longer use.

A lot of people (two or three) have been asking me to write new episodes of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite.  The truth is that, while I'd love to churn them out for you like that, the writing of an episode takes little more work than some of you seem to think.  Let me explain to you exactly what goes into writing a single episode of the series.

  1. I must get my inspiration for the episode.  I usually think up jokes during the day while I'm doing everyday things.  I like to draw my inspiration from real life.  Like the other day I saw a guy trip and fall on the street, which gave me the idea to have Raditz accidentally fall on the wrong planet Earth and murder Sailor Moon.  And when I saw a young child hit by a car, I got the idea to have Chi-Chi destroy a town (because cars are in towns.)  This may seem easy, but sometimes I'm not fortunate enough to happen upon inspiration like this, and I must actually injure someone by myself.  I got the idea for Piccolo to take Gohan to a baseball game by hitting my neighbor over the head with a baseball bat, and then setting his house on fire.  Actually, I just set his house on fire for fun.  Of coarse, sometimes even then I can't think up enough jokes to make a whole episode, so I must draw inspiration from other comedy works.  In other words, steal.  I usually steal jokes from old episodes of The Brady Bunch on Nick at Nite, and from Family Circus comics.  That's where I got the one about Chi-Chi telling everyone Gokou was dead.
  2. I must actually type it up.  This too may seem easy, except that I'm currently using a 4 MHz processor that i found at the garbage dump one day.  It is running Windows 98.  This means that whenever I type a letter into a word processor, it takes four to seven minutes to appear.  And sometimes it crashes, forcing me to start all over, often losing days of work.  Needless to say, this can get very frustrating, but I do it for you, my fans.  You're welcome.
  3. After it is all typed up (not to mention spell checked, which takes several days itself) it then must be translated.  Did I mention my native language is Lithuanian?  Yes, it is.  Since I don't actually speak English, I must first translate everything into Portuguese.  Then, I use the AltaVista translation service to translate to English.  Then, since that automated translation filter is far from accurate, I have my English-speaking friend Fredrico correct things for me.  Sometimes I'm worried Fredrico may change things around without my knowing, since I can't read the end result anyway.  Anyway, the point is that Fredrico is lord almighty, and I cower before his might, and also I like to drink my own piss, and Fredrico once had five chicks at once.
  4. Finally, I must upload it and get it on the internet.  This is also difficult, since the terms of service of my web space provider clearly state that you may not "upload, post or otherwise transmit any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, sarcastic, humorous, interesting, offensive to bald midgets, hateful, invasive of another's privacy, uses the word 'bitch' more than is artistically necessary, or is otherwise objectionable"  Except for humorous and interesting, I violate every one of those.  So naturally, the continued existance of this web page requires quite a few bribes.  By slipping several hundred dollars a week into the hands of a few homepage.com employees, and giving sexual favors to a few others, I'm able to keep writing these.  But its worth it to see the smiling faces of a few anime dweebs.  Well technically I don't actually see the faces, but you get the idea.
So you see, this is not all as easy as some of you may think.  But don't worry, a new episode will be coming.  Because I crave the adoration of complete strangers.

 
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