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Episode 14
"The Search Begins!"

On the last episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, at one point Raditz said that if he got all the Dragon Balls he would wish for a real Sailor Moon, even though in episode 1 he was the one who killed the real Sailor Moon.  If you were one of the people who pointed out the contradiction in this, I can only theorize that you must have somehow become under the mistaken impression that DBZ Rewrite is a coherent ongoing storyline.  In reality it it is a group of randomly typed words and phrases with absolutely no relation to each other whatsoever.  Banana.

Krillen:  So, we're on Namek now.

Bulma:  Yes.

Gohan:  Yes.

Suddenly, a light appears in the sky.

Krillen:  Oh, that must be Vegeta's space ship, come here to take the Dragon Balls and kill us.

All:  (nod)

All:  (do a double take) Vegeta's space ship, come here to take the Dragon Balls and kill us?!

Bulma:  Oh no!  What will we do!?

Krillen:  Why did I let him live again?

Bulma:  Because you're so dumb!

Krillen:  Oh, yeah.  I am pretty dumb, aren't I?  I guess I should drool and repeatedly hit my head on the side of our space ship then.  (does so)

Bulma:  Krillen, no!  Stop it!

Krillen:  (gets a confused, vacant look on his face)  Durrr.... (continues hitting his head against the side of the space ship)

Gohan:  Ewww... now the ship is all Krillen-drooled up.  I'm not washing it.

Bulma:  Damn it!  We've got to think of a plan!  We've got to find some way to get the Dragon Balls before him!  He's much more powerful than us, so we'll have to avoid him.  And come to think of it... I don't think we can even breathe in this atmosphere!!!  (grabs her neck and starts choking)  Aaaaack!  Can't... breathe!

Krillen:  (hitting his head harder and harder, drool is flying everywhere and he starts to leave dents)

Bulma:  (holding her breath and flailing around, her face starts to turn blue)

Krillen:  (finally hits his head too hard, and falls unconscious)

Bulma:  (also falls unconscious, from suffocation)

Gohan:  (looks around at his two unconscious friends and sighs)

Krillen:  (laying in a pool of his own saliva next to the dented ship)

Bulma:  (a panic-stricken look on her face, with her fingers still limply clutched around her neck, now breathing normally)

Gohan:  Oh well.  (pulls a chloroformed rag out of seemingly nowhere, and puts it to his face until he too falls unconscious)

Oh no, what will our heroes do!  If only Gokou were alive to save them!

Gokou:  But I am alive.

Shop owner:  (gets a confused look on his face)  What?

Gokou:  (gets a confused look on his face)  What?

Shop owner:  (stares for a second, then shrugs it off)  Anyway, how can I help you today sir?

Gokou:  I'd like to purchase a space ship.

Shop owner:  A... space ship?

Gokou:  Yes, please.  It won't cost more than five dollars, will it?

Shop owner:  I'm afraid we don't have those here, sir.

Gokou:  Then why is this store called "Space Ships R Us?"

Shop owner:  It's not.  It's called "Big Bob's Discount Lawn Mower Repair."

Gokou:  Then why does the sign say "Space Ships R Us?"

Shop owner:  You can't read, can you?

Gokou:  (meekly)  No.

Shop owner/Big Bob:  Unless you have a lawn mower you want repaired, I'm afraid I can't help you.

Gokou:  Actually, I do.

Big Bob:  Oh?  What's wrong with it?

Gokou:  It doesn't fly to planet Namek.

Big Bob:  Hmm.

Gokou:  Also, it doesn't exist.

Big Bob:  That's a pretty big job.

Gokou:  So you're saying you can't do it?

Big Bob:  I didn't say anything of the sort.  Big Bob can do any lawn mower repair job!

Gokou:  Great then.

Big Bob:  It'll cost you, though.

Gokou:  Oh.  How much?

Big Bob:  Might be in the ballpark of four, five dollars.

Gokou:  (winces)  All right, I can afford that.

Big Bob:  (smiles broadly)  All right then, let's get to work!

Meanwhile, back on Namek...

Vegeta:  (about to crash into the planet)  I don't understand it, how could the legendary Super Saiyan lose?  It's... it's impossible!  It... can't... be!  I can only come to one conclusion.  All of those events, where I met those people and fought them... didn't actually happen.  Yes, that's it.  (laughing insanely)  It was all a dream!  I didn't lose at all!  (laughing even harder)  Just like all those other dreams I'm always having, like the ones where other people beat me!  Or the ones where I'm not actually a Super Saiyan!  Or the ones where I'm short and have really screwed up hair!  (laughs insanely for about ten minutes)  Well, I'm glad I figured that out.  That sure took a load off my mind.

His space ship crashes into the planet.

Vegeta:  Well, would you look at that!  I've just arrived in that planet I heard about in that dream, and now I can go find those Dragon Balls which don't actually exist!  Excellent!  It sure is too bad my partners Nappa and Raditz are dead for no reason.  Oh well, time to find those Dragon Balls!  (starts flying)  Hey, would you look at that!  (spies the unconscious Krillen, Bulma and Gohan)

Krillen, Bulma & Gohan:  (laying there unmoving)

Vegeta:  Well, those people look a lot like those people I met in that weird dream I had.  The one that didn't actually happen.

Krillen, Bulma & Gohan:  (starting to wake up)

Krillen:  (rubbing his head)  Ouch.

Bulma:  Huh, where am I?  Last thing I remember I was on Nam--  ACK!  CAN'T BREA--- ACK!  Vegeta!

Gohan:  Oh no!  Vegeta!

Vegeta:  (wild eyed and insane looking)  Hello there, people I've never met before!  It sure is interesting that you know my name!  But it is only natural that you would have heard of the legendary Super Saiyan!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Krillen, Bulma & Gohan:  ...

Vegeta:  Well, it sure is nice meeting you again.  I mean for the first time.  It is a good thing you didn't actually almost kill me before, or I would be quite mad.  But you didn't!  That would be ridiculous!  So I'm just going to not hurt you!  After all, I have no reason to hate you, and I have to find those magic thingies I heard about in a dream I had!  Bye!  (flies away)

Krillen:  Um... okay.

Bulma:  There we go.  All we had to do is panic, and the problem went away by itself.

Gohan:  Uh... sure.  Now let's go find the Dragon Balls before Vegeta gets them.

Bulma:  Okay.  I guess we'll just go panic again.  AAAH!  I CAN'T BREATHE!

Gohan:  Actually, I think this time we should try actually solving the problem.

Bulma:  (shrugs)  Okay, whatever.

Yes, this epsiode is only partially written.  This is all there is.  Read the main page for more information.

 
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