Episode 9
"Aftermath"
On the last episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite,
Gokou was finally able to defeat the dastardly Vegeta, only to be cornered
by an even more powerful force: Chi-Chi. Now, he and Krillen, in
their weakened states, are utterly helpless before her fury. What
will become of them?
Chi-Chi: It's time... for you to die.
Krillen: I bet you wish you hadn't made
me eat that bean now, huh Gokou?
Gokou: Krillen, shut up.
Chi-Chi: Any last words, Gokou dear?
Gokou: Chi-Chi honey, please! Think
about this! If you kill me, Gohan will grow up without a father!
Do you know the statistics about children who grow up without a father?
I don't exactly either, but they're something like 50% more likely to get
into drugs and gangs and stuff! And I heard a lot of them become
gay too! Please, think of Gohan!
Chi-Chi: Hmmm...
Gokou: You don't want our son to become
a flaming homosexual, do you?
Chi-Chi: (long pause) I suppose you
do have a point.
Gokou: Yes! Yes, of coarse I do!
So come on honey, let's go home and-
Chi-Chi: (disintegrates Gokou with an enormous
ki blast, then turns to face Krillen) Krillen, you are Gohan's new
father.
Krillen: Gh- I- WHAT?!
Chi-Chi: You heard me. I designate
that you will be my new husband.
Krillen: But... but... I'm the alpha midget!
Chi-Chi: Not anymore you aren't. You'll
just have to get someone else to be that alpha thing. You're going
to be a full time dad. Come on, let's try to get the wedding done
before Gohan wakes up.
Meanwhile, somewhere on a far off planet...
Freeza: Destroying civilizations is fun.
Some Alien: Oh, you frosty Freeza!
You have already destroyed most of my world, but I will kill you now!
Freeza: Oh. Oh my. You wish
to fight me, do you?
Alien: Yes! I will destroy you!
(attacks)
Freeza: (basically ignoring the Alien's
attacks) I must say you are very powerful. Yes, much more powerful
than I would have expected. If I were to hazard a guess at your power
level, I would have guessed it was much lower than it in fact is, but now
I see that it is higher than I would have guessed. Nevertheless,
you are still pitifully weak compared to me...
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: ...because you see, my friend, my
power level is so high, that even your somewhat high power level is no
match for it. So, even though you are stronger than it at first seemed,
you still have little chance against my even stronger... strength.
In short, I am much more powerful than you, and you will never hurt me...
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: ...I must stress the extreme difference
between our strengths. You see, I am just so much stronger than you
- though you are still pretty strong when compared to other weak people,
and are much stronger than I would have imagined - that you just have no
chance of injuring me in any way, and thus are able to keep punching me
like you are without causing any sort of damage. Because I'm so strong,
and you, when compared to me, are not.
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: And so, in short, your strength,
great as it may be, is still utterly insignificant compared to my vastly
superior almighty strength. In fact, your entire body strength could
not possibly hope to compete with the strength found in a single one of
my muscles, even if it was a small and relatively weak muscle, not that
I have any weak muscles, since all parts of me are insanely strong, but
some are weak compared to others.
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: The strength of my left hand index
finger is greater than yours. The strength of my tongue is greater
than yours. The strength of a single one of my eyebrows is greater
than yours. The strength of my toe is greater than yours. And
I don't even mean my big toe. No, no, my big toe is so beyond you
as to be completely ridiculous. But even the smallest of my toes
has a greater strength than your total. Yes, that's right, the freakishly
small toe on my left foot, smaller even than an average little toe, the
result of a genetic birth defect, has a greater power level than your total.
How does it feel to know that you could be beaten in a fight by my deformed
toe?
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: Yes, that's correct, I am saying
that my deformed toe, if it were to fight you in a one on one duel, could
defeat you itself, even without the help of the rest of my body.
But you're not attacking my deformed toe alone. You're not even attacking
my big toe alone, are you? No, you are attacking not only my deformed
toe, not only my big toe, not only my eye brow, tongue, and left hand index
finger combined, but also the rest of my body too, all at once, all by
yourself!
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: Don't you understand the folly of
what you are doing? That your power level - high as it may be when
compared to most people - is less than that of a single deformed body part
of mine, and yet you are battling with my entire body? Don't you
understand that your chance of winning is less than nothing? That
even if you were fighting my deformed toe alone it would be virtually nothing,
but instead you are fighting all of me?
Alien: (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: DON'T YOU?!
Alien: I will never give up! I will
fight to save my planet! (continues attacking Freeza)
Freeza: (sighs, and destroys the planet)
[BOOM!]
Freeza: (floating in space) Zarbon!
Dodoria! Come look at the pretty fireworks! Oh, they aren't
here. Oh well, might as well go home then. I wish people would
pay more attention to my speeches.
That night at the Freeza residence...
Zarbon: (bursts into Freeza's room to find
him in bed with the sheets pulled over him)
Freeza: Ack! What do you want?
Zarbon: (looks embarrassed) Err, I'm
sorry my lord, but I have some very important news.
Freeza: Um... you do? What is it?
Zarbon: Can you get dressed, and then we'll
talk about it?
Freeza: Fine fine! Go then!
Zarbon: (exits)
Freeza: (looks his under the covers)
Phew, that was a close one.
Purple Teletubbie: (pops his head up from
hiding) Tinky-Winky!
Freeza: (gets out of bed and begins to get
dressed)
Purple Teletubbie: Again!
Freeza: No, later. I have something
important to discuss with Zarbon.
Purple Teletubbie: Tinky-Winky!
Freeza: Um, yes. I agree.
In a short while, in a meeting room.
Freeza: So these "Dragon Balls" can be found on planet Namek?
Sounds... (licks his lips) exquisite.
Zarbon: But I haven't told you what they do yet.
Freeza: Do?
Elsewhere in outer space.
Vegeta: Ha ha ha ha! I will merely go to planet Namek and
get the other set of Dragon Balls which I've somehow determined exist,
and then... the wish will be MINE! (to a random passerby) Do
you think you can play Sailor Moon better than me? Do you?
I think not! Not for long!
Random passerby: (trying vainly to ignore him)
Vegeta: I know you can hear me! I AM A SUPER SAIYAN!
Kiwi: (walks in) Did you just say something about planet
Namek? What a coincidence! I just heard Freeza was going there!
Vegeta: Crap! Scuse me. (runs off)
Kiwi: Something about his behavior is making me suspicious.
Back on planet Earth.
Priest: Do you, Krillen, take Chi-Chi to be your lawfully wedded
wife?
Chi-Chi: Say "yes" or I'll destroy this city.
Krillen: (thinking of the hordes of beautiful bald midget females
who would be coming to mate with him) I... I... (starts to cry) I
do.
Priest: And do you, Chi-Chi-
Chi-Chi: Yes! Yes, I do! (kisses Krillen) You've
made me the happiest girl in the world!
Priest: I now pronounce you husband a wife. Now please let
me go and don't hurt me.
Gohan: (wakes up from unconsciousness) Ugh... what's going
on? Where am I? (sees Chi-Chi) Mommy!
Chi-Chi: Don't worry, Gohan. I've rescued you from those
mean old guys. There will be no more fighting evil aliens, or saving
the world, or training with some green guy, or watching TV, or going places,
or running around outside, or playing, or having friends, or seeing the
sky, or getting up from your desk for any reason other than to go to the
bathroom, ever, ever, again. Ever.
Gohan: But... but where's daddy?
Chi-Chi: He's right here, son. (motions to Krillen)
Gohan: What? That's Krillen, not daddy.
Chi-Chi: No, you're wrong Gohan honey. This is your daddy.
Gohan: It's... Krillen.
Chi-Chi: (her eyes glow briefly red) Daddy.
Gohan: Uh... daddy. Right.
Krillen: Hello... son.
Gohan: Hi... dad.
In heaven.
A small restaurant. It's sign read "Mr. Popo's Place," but
that has been crossed out, and it now reads "Yamucha's Place."
Yamucha: I hope you enjoyed Yamucha's Place. Please come
again!
Gokou: (walks in) Mmmm, Yamucha's Place. Sounds good.
Woah, it's YOU!
Yamucha: Gokou!
Gokou: I assumed it was a different Yamucha.
Yamucha: Hey, does this mean Vegeta killed you? Is the Earth
destroyed?
Gokou: No, I beat Vegeta. It was Chi-Chi.
Yamucha: (winces)
Piccolo, Chouzu, and Tien: (walk in)
Tien: Hey Yamucha, what's- Gokou!
Gokou: Hey look, we're all together!
Piccolo: Chi-Chi, right?
Gokou: (nods)
Man: (walks over to Yamucha) Are you the owner of this restaurant?
Yamucha: Yes, yes I am. How can I help you?
Man: I'm the health inspector. (holds up an ID) I'm
afraid I'm going to have to shut this restaurant down for gross health
violations.
Yamucha: What? Whatever do you mean?
Man: Well, for instance, none of your food seems to be cooked.
Yamucha: You have to cook it?
Man: And on top of that, there is some guy's corpse laying in
the middle of the restaurant. It's starting to stink.
Yamucha: I was gonna get around to cleaning up Mr. Popo eventually.
Man: Sorry, but you're getting shut down. (walks off)
Yamucha: Damn, now what am I going to do with my time?
Gokou: You can come with me.
Yamucha: Where are you going, Gokou?
Gokou: To get revenge. On King Kai. He made me get
to Earth a day late.
Chouzu: Revenge? Cool! I want to come!
Tien: Yeah! Let's all go!
Piccolo: This is just like old times, when all of us would get
together to fight some evil villain.
Yamucha: What the hell are you talking about? The last person
we fought before the Saiyans was you!
Piccolo: (thinking) Hmmm... oh yeah. I did used to
be evil, didn't I?
In a short while, at King Kai's planet.
King Kai: Hey, Bubbles! What's the deal with Bozo the clown?
Does he really need "the clown?" I mean, are we gonna mistake him
for Bozo the district attorney? (laughs hilariously) Ever since
I started watching that delightful Sienfeld, I've been funnier than ever!
Gokou: Hey, I've got one.
King Kai: (spins around) Ack!
Gokou: What's the deal with your head? I mean, why am I
ABOUT TO CRUSH IT LIKE AN OVERRIPE FRUIT!
Gokou, Yamucha, Tien, Chouzu, and Piccolo are standing around King
Kai, looking menacing.
King Kai: Gokou! Oh no, you're DEAD?!
Gokou: Yes I am.
Piccolo: And now, so are you!
King Kai: But wait! I can train all of you! I'll do
it if you let me live! Please!
Tien: Hm... let us think... NO!
Chouzu: Because of you, we ALL died! And now... it's payback
time!
King Kai: Hold on! Do you want to be brought back to life?
Gokou: Huh?
Yamucha: What are you talking about? The Dragon Balls are
gone!
King Kai: But my world had its own set of Dragon Balls!
We can use those to wish you back!
Gokou: Huh? Your world has Dragon Balls? Why didn't
you mention this before?
King Kai: Because you can only use them once every billion zillion
years! I didn't want to waste them. But I can use them now,
to get you back to Earth.
Gokou: Well, I would like to fight Vegeta again. And also Chi-Chi,
after I've trained. A lot.
King Kai: Good! Good! So let me live, and I'll wish
Gokou back! And then maybe he can find a way to wish the rest of
you back!
Yamucha: Wait a minute, this won't work. We don't even have
the Dragon Radar. (looks across the vast expanse of King Kai's world)
They could be anywhere!
King Kai: We'd better start looking.
Back on Earth.
Krillen: (wearing an apron and sweeping the floor, he sighs)
Yajirobe: (walks in) Hi, I'm Piccolo's zany next door neighbor
Yajirobe!
Krillen: I'm not in the mood, Yajirobe.
Yajirobe: But I came to tell you that I have a really zany scheme
to wish the others back!
Krillen: What do you mean? The Dragon Balls are gone!
Piccolo and Kami are dead!
Yajirobe: But I was just thinking that since Piccolo's a Namek,
maybe the other Nameks have their own planet and their own Dragon Balls,
and we can use those.
Krillen: YAJIROBE GO AWAY!
Yajirobe: Sheesh, someone's a little cranky. (walks off)
Krillen: (goes back to sweeping, and then suddenly stops)
Hmm... wait a minute.
Chi-Chi: Krillen, darling. GET BACK TO WORK!
Krillen: Yes dear! (starts sweeping furiously)
Hmmm.... (thinking to himself)
End Episode Nine
On the next episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, the plan starts to
come together, as several parties are all heading off to planet Namek to
get the other set of Dragon Balls. What will happen? Find out
on the next exiting episode of Dragon Ball Z Rewrite, "I haven't thought
of a title yet." |